Crashing

[frualeydis]

Here I was, feeling stressed and exhausted but also feeling rather accomplished after revising the bloody article again AND done the laundry. I thought that I had a few hours to rest before the radio show tonight. And my boss calls me and wonders where I am, since I was supposed to give a lecture at that very moment. I hadn't even put it in my calendar and there was no way I could teach and send radio at (almost) the same time. So we had to cancel the lecture and I feel guilty and totally useless. I had for some reason never put it in my calendar in the beginning of the semester and if it's not there it doesn't exist.
And I'm tired of teaching. I love teaching, but it means that I never get the time to do what I'm actually paid for. my research project. Which in turn means that I will not get research funding ever again, since I won't be able to show any results. I try to cut down on teaching and I say "no" all the time, but somehow there are still so many things that I have to teach and do. But this can't go on, I need to do what I'm supposed to do, people will have to accept that I won't teach!
And then, in two years when the research project is finished I will have to face the fact that I won't have any classes that will help me pay the rent.

Because I just can't go on like this!

Comments

[fgg-1.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad! Things like that happen to the best, even to politicians who have an army of assistants monitoring every minute of their day. Maybe it doesn't feel like it right now, but I know you will find a way to do all those things with some sort of balance that will be fruitful in the future. :D