frualeydis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
frualeydis) wrote2010-05-05 07:33 pm
frualeydis) wrote2010-05-05 07:33 pm
Crashing
Here I was, feeling stressed and exhausted but also feeling rather accomplished after revising the bloody article again AND done the laundry. I thought that I had a few hours to rest before the radio show tonight. And my boss calls me and wonders where I am, since I was supposed to give a lecture at that very moment. I hadn't even put it in my calendar and there was no way I could teach and send radio at (almost) the same time. So we had to cancel the lecture and I feel guilty and totally useless. I had for some reason never put it in my calendar in the beginning of the semester and if it's not there it doesn't exist.
And I'm tired of teaching. I love teaching, but it means that I never get the time to do what I'm actually paid for. my research project. Which in turn means that I will not get research funding ever again, since I won't be able to show any results. I try to cut down on teaching and I say "no" all the time, but somehow there are still so many things that I have to teach and do. But this can't go on, I need to do what I'm supposed to do, people will have to accept that I won't teach!
And then, in two years when the research project is finished I will have to face the fact that I won't have any classes that will help me pay the rent.
Because I just can't go on like this!
And I'm tired of teaching. I love teaching, but it means that I never get the time to do what I'm actually paid for. my research project. Which in turn means that I will not get research funding ever again, since I won't be able to show any results. I try to cut down on teaching and I say "no" all the time, but somehow there are still so many things that I have to teach and do. But this can't go on, I need to do what I'm supposed to do, people will have to accept that I won't teach!
And then, in two years when the research project is finished I will have to face the fact that I won't have any classes that will help me pay the rent.
Because I just can't go on like this!