Keeping the SCA clean

[frualeydis]

Well, I did my part this weekend, by explaining in no certain terms to a man of fifty that no means no and if he ever touches or writes messages with sexual content to my daughter again we will got to the police. Yes, she is of age, but still 30 years his junior and even if she hadn't been, no still means no.

And I told others, because all young girls may not have their mothers to talk to and to tell people off, and knowledge is the only way to keep them safe.

Comments

[idahoswede.livejournal.com]

Well done!

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

The adrenaline rush aftwards was not pleasant though, I was shaking all over.

/Eva

[isabelladangelo.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'd bring the matter to whomever this individual's knight/pelican/laurel is or even to the King or Queen. They need to know.

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

I told the Prince and the Principality seneschal, and my daughter has told the baroness. And I told some people not formally responsible, but with a lot of influence.

/Eva

[isabelladangelo.livejournal.com]

Good. That type of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud and I'm so glad you did.

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

I think this has been going on for decades, within LARP and SCA circles, but no-one has really said it out loud. A perfect example of that Broken Stair Analogy that alienor linked to below.

/Eva

[aeddie.livejournal.com]

I know it has been. It's one of the reasons our daughter doesn't play anymore. We reported it but because he is a Pel and was a Landed Baron at the time nobody did anything.

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

That's horrible. This person is not an important person, that would have made it more complicated, but sicne we're really workign on this within hte SCA and LARP community right now I think that it would have worked anyway now. Hopefully.

/Eva

[therru.livejournal.com]

Good. *hugs*

[alienor.livejournal.com]

Thank you (especially from my 20 year old SCAdian self).

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

I wish you had someone there for you too.

/Eva

[alienor.livejournal.com]

Me, too! Are you familiar with the broken stair analogy (http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-stair.html)? The SCA has some serious broken stairs.

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

No I hadn't heard of it, but thanks for directing me to it, it was really good.

There has rcently been much debate in Sweden's LARP community after several women came out with stories about sexual harassment and even rape at LARPs and the missign stair analogy really fits there. This wekend the first workshop about how to create a safe space for all within LARPing was held and the SCA also had representatives.

I think there will be some interesting happenings the coming year.

/Eva

[bauhausfrau.livejournal.com]

Bravo Mama!

[merastra.livejournal.com]

Way to go!! That someone would do that is just wrong and they NEED to be dealt with. Your daughter shouldn't have to deal with this, nor should any woman.

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately they tend to be serial offenders and since he has been active within the LARP/medieval envrionment for decdes I wonder how many more there are out there.
Still, I have "known" him since they were babies, one would think that it would feel weird to try to get into the pants of someone you've met as a toddler.

/Eva

[merastra.livejournal.com]

Since toddler?? That's so wrong. Gah. If he's a serial, I'd say the police should be notified regardless.

Police

[(Anonymous)]

I heavily agree on the police. Too many societies/clubs/communities try to sort this kind of thing by themselves and end up just making the thing worse by either silencing the issue or going for lynching mentality. Usually silencing seems to be the choice - maybe partly for fearing damage done to the image of the society. And there is plenty of examples how much worse it is for both the victims and society - only perps benefit from silence.

Re: Police

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

I don't think it would lead to something, being groped is, while forbidden, something that never goes to court. If it had been a minor yes, but an adult woman will just be adviced to drop it. Especially if there are no witnesses.

/Eva

Re: Police

[m-nivalis.livejournal.com]

Having an official record on him _might_ help if he's a serial offender and the accumulated offences will tip the scales. That said, it all depends on whether the police taking the record will consider groping worth reporting.

Re: Police

[alienor.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that your advise to go to the police is offered in good faith, the police don't tend to take these types of complaints seriously (especially in sub cultures). It would be awesome if a lady could go to the police and have them deal with the situation and be sure that the man never offends again, but that's not the world we live in! The community has to put pressure on the offender not to offend, and stop putting pressure on the victims to do things that make bystanders feel better about the situation but ultimately do nothing to the offenders.

For more, please read:

Reporting Rape: More on the Proper Authorities (https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2014/05/21/reporting-rape-more-on-the-proper-authorities/)

Systems Are Made Of People

Police are people. Administrators are people. Judges, jurors, prosecutors … all people. The laws are interpreted and applied by people, who bring to them their prejudices. In a racist culture, the most perfectly written law will be applied and enforced in racist ways. In a culture that refuses to take rape seriously, no matter what the statutes say, the actual behavior of the people who interpret and enforce those laws will reflect the refusal to take it seriously. First degree rape is a Class B felony in New York, a really serious crime. People in the system are simply not willing to say that that applies to people who don’t fit their preconceived notions, and there is no magic bullet to change that. Changing the statute, training the police, giving the administrators incentives for transparency, there are lots of things to be done and not one of them alone will make all that much difference. The rapists’ social license to operate is woven deeply into the fabric of how people think the world works: it is a specific set of threads in a very big and interconnected piece of culture. Pulling them out, pulling them all out, one at a painstaking fucking time, is the work. That’s what we have to do, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re not serious

The entirety of Cockblocking rapists is a moral obligation or how to stop rape right now (https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2013/10/20/cockblocking-rapists-is-a-moral-obligation-or-how-to-stop-rape-right-now/).

The entirety of Stonewalling Rape: Police Can Investigate but will they? (https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/stonewalling-rape-police-can-investigate-but-will-they/).

Also, pretty much all of that blog, and the book.

Re: Police

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

Thank you Alienor, I think that the insisitance that a woman always should go to the police, no matter if there's any chance that she will be taken seriously, puts a lot of blame on the woman for not being exactly what we, the outsiders, expect her to be.
You put it better - it is really mostly about making outsiders feeling better. As for effect I would think that actually spreading the word that this person tends to be inappropriate toward young adult women in the two social circles that he moves: the SCA and the LARP community will probably have much more effect.

/Eva

Re: Police

[alienor.livejournal.com]

I have strong feelings about this topic (if it wasn't obvious), so if you want to talk about anything going on or need help looking for resources, let me know!

[ashariel.livejournal.com]

Awesome. I'm so sorry that you *had* to do it at all though.

[m-nivalis.livejournal.com]

Well done! And especially so for letting others know what had happened. Hopefully this can lead to a bit of "stair repairs" in your SCA community.

[pinkdiamond.livejournal.com]

Thank you, and oh so much love and respect for both of you. It's terrifying being in that situation and to also say it ever happened and to say that it was wrong.