Death

[frualeydis]

My grandmother died this night. It was at 01.14 and it took quite awhile to get everything arranged afterwards so I didn't get to sleep until 4.30, waking up at 6. Therefore i don't have the energy to write much about it. I'm very happy that I was there and had decided to stay over the night. We sat there for many hours, my mother, my aunt and her husband, my cousin and I. Earlier another cousin and his girlfriend, as well as my mother's "boyfriend" had been there too, but at this time of the night it was only us. At first we didn't know if it would happen that night, but around midnight my cousin, who's worked with dying people before said that it probably wouldn't be long. The last half hour was hard for her, breathing with much effort, coughing (happens when the heart stops working properly) and longer times when the breating stopped. In the end she was more cramping than breathing and then she stopped. That made me feel so happy for her, even though I'm really sad for myself. All the time while she was having this last struggle my cousin held her hand, telling her in a soothing voice that it would all soon be over, while my mother caressed her head and put her cheek next to her and I stroke her shoulder and my aunt her feet. I think she felt it and hard us and I thin k she left us feeling loved and longing for some rest finally.
I don't know, maybe it's because my religion teaches me that death and rebirth are closely linked, or maybe because I'm pregnant, but the situation reminded me in many ways of when you give birth. The soothing words could just as well have been said to a woman in labour, the reassurance that it was a little more of the hard work and then it would all be fine. The result is obviously not the same, but the atmosphere, the focus on the struggling person and the love from all the people gathered where in many ways similar. It was a sad moment, but not painful, at least not more painful than one could bear.
My grandmother has always been the loving and beloved center of our family and I miss her so much, we all do, but there is no life without death and when the Goddess wrapped her in her arms and let her rest in her dark, warm embrace, her pain was over and something new had begun.

I really need to sleep now.

Eva

Comments

[wengeue.livejournal.com]

I am very sorry for your loss.