feeling down

Yesterday evening/night was bad. I was clumsier than ever, knocked things over and hit my elbow on one of the door posts and it hurt like hell. Then I couldn't take off my socks myself and I just cried and felt thoroughly useless. I mean, what's wrong with me, since I can't even give birth to this baby? I looked up what one of the books says about being late and it says: "Cheer up, even though you pass the expected day, 9 out of 10 babies are born within ten days after that date." Well that was yesterday so now I'm not just late, but also some kind of freak. So I cried and agonized and Rickard got tired of me, but I really feel like a useless failure and people calling, apparently getting very disappointed that I haven't managed to get the baby out yet, doesn't make it easier.
This afternoon my girls will come here after a week with their father and even though I've missed them it will make it more complicated, because I have to be reasonably happy and if labour starts their father will have to come and get them. It would have been much easier to have the baby when they were at his place. But I don't think there will be a baby this week either. Or ever.

strange weather

I can hear thunder in the distance which is rather odd since the sky is overcast but not dark and there's no sign of rain.

Vendela's dress

Vendela tried on her new dress. it was a bit tighter than I thought it would be, which makes it a more fashionable 12th c dress than I had planned. it is also shorter than I anticipated, which is odd, since I did measure the distance from her shoulders to her feet. Now it only reaches her the little knob on her ankles, whatever that's called in english and I actually thought it would reach the floor. It's easier for her to walk in this way on the other hand. I haven't finished the neck slit, but I will do it tomorrow when they are in school and then (if we're not busy having a baby) i will try to get some photos taken for the costume gallery during the week.
Anna is making one shoe today so that she can come over and try it on the girls tomorrow, before she starts making the other three.
Vendela and Valeria has friend over who can be very trying at times, and this is such a time. She's very demanding and takes for granted that you should do things for her, bring her to things etc. Now she wants to go with us when we go camping at a medieval market the first weekend in June and I have a lot of trouble explaining to her and my girls that I can't take care of her too, it will be enough with Vendela, Valeria and the new baby alone (Rickard is working that weekend). Taking care of her is double the work as taking care of my girls together so it is really out of the question.
Right now I can't see why they can't be at her place when they know that I'm tired, but she prefers to be here. When I'm well I don't mind, but now I would prefer some quiet at least.