Scared of what I might find

I have now found the rejection letter from one of the institutions I applied for research funding from. It came in October and I have not read it. I already knew I didn't get money from them and just after I got the rejection from Riksbanken (the fund I had most of a chance with) I didn't have the strength to read it. But now, when I'm going to send in a new, better application I must read it. Except that I don't dare.
I think I will sit down and sew for a while instead.

I read it

With the help of my husband being in the flat and the voice of Bernard Sumner (in this case from Electronic, which I always find comforting. And it wasn't too bad. They said it seemed like it wasn't finished, which is a valid critique since I was short of time and it was less than six months after I had defended my dissertation. Fortunately I now have a much more worked out 12 pages application to start from and that I can try to boil down to the stated 8 pages. I also need to write more about the criticism of Thomas Laqueur's theories about the perception of sex and gender in the pre-modern period. This is doable.