frualeydis | Entries tagged with autism

I finished it and I wore it at Plague Wars - the online verison of Double Wars - last week.

In court, which is totally inappropriate for this working class gown:

And at a picnic which I organized with a very few friends: Alfhild who is fully vaccinated, Anna, who we have been in a bubble with throughout most of the pandemic, and who works from home, and Sara who also is at home all the time except for necessary visits to the shops. And we were outdoors and kept the distance.

Me munching melon:

It was both a nice picnic and a nice event. I have more photos in my costuming blog, here.

In other news I managed to get an appointment and go tmy first shot of Moderna on Monday. On Tuesday I had my first appointment at an agency that handles people with certain disabilities, of which autism is one. I have found that I need to deal with all of the emotions that came after I got my diagnosis, so I hope to see a psychologist through them. They might also help me with my dealings with the agency that handles sick and disability benefits, which has for decades done their best to make my life miserable.

This morning I had an online appointment with the GP that handles my sick leave, and then I didn't ahve much energy left, I am also feeling a little bit tired and ill from the vaccination. However, not worse than that I am going to start making a toile for my 13th century Spanish saya encordata now.

Our region has decided to ignore the division into priority groups made by the Swedish state, and not not give any preference to people in risk group, unless they are over 60 years old. On the 17th they open for everybody over 50 and I will have to look at 20 different places and refresh their web sites until I can get an appointment, competing with healthy people.
This makes me very anxious, I had a real anxiety attack a week ago, keeping Rickard awake until 3 am.

I didn't use to have these, but with the exhaustion I just don't have the energy to fight this. What stresses me is actually not fear of getting really, really sick and maybe die, but that it depends so much on me, on my effort, if I get teh vaccine or not. What if I do somethign wrong and misses my chance? I know ti is not likely that this will happen, but this is apparently a very aspie/autism thing - sicnce we have spent all our lives working very hard to anticipate what people expect of us, becuase some social things doesn't come naturally, it is extremely stressful when you the rules are not clear, or are not followed, and so much is arbitrary.

Luckily I have Rickard, who doesn't work on the Monday when they are to release the appointments for people over 50, and he has promised to hang on the computer for me. I am also happy that I know a few autistic women who has had the diagnosis much longer and that I can talk to.o

It has actually been six months! I am not a good writer these days.

Mainly it is the exhaustion, I don't write much at all, of any kind, though I have done some photo heavy but short on text posts on my blog.

I still sew, or rather: I sew again. I have gotten back to sewing aqain, finding some of my creativity that disappeared when I first got my exhaustion diagnose. Some of it ends up on the blog:

* 1930s gown, used with water themed wire crown for a water fairy photo shoot
* New regency stays and shift.
* Yule themed dirndl for this year's vintage pin-up inspired photos.

I made a re-cap of all my 2020s sewing here.

* I started on a 13th century Spanish outfit, and I have this far finished the shift and the pellote (sideless surcoat). I am taking a break from that
now, because the saya encordata (tight, laced kirtle) requires soem thinking, and I am not very good at that right now. Post with the finished pellote. Post about the project.
* I used some scraps to make my wool redingote bigger and went Regency ice-skating.
* And I made a c. 1610 wool doublet and a starched linen cap and went ice-skating Dutch 17th century style.
Basically much of February was spent walking to different lakes and bogs to skate.
* And in March i finished another regency gown, this one around 1815.
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I have also gotten obsessed with reform/aesthetic dress from the late 19th-early 20th century, and made three modern gowns inspired by it. No photos to share right now however.

In other news: I wrote about my assessment to see if I am autistic. Well, I am. And it has been an eye opener - both as an explanation to some of the weird, awkward and stupid things that I did when I was younger, and to the amount of work that I have to do just to appear normal and function. Adding my constant pain to that and it is not strange that I ended up with an exhaustion that doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

There are still so many things that i can't do. I tried to make a simple excel sheet yesterday, just to track how I feel in body and mind, and it was really, really hard even to remember how to drag things and move things.
I am since yesterday back at work for 1,5 hours evey day as rehab training. It was extremely exahausting, even if all I did was to hook up my computer, which needed soem help from the support team, throw away some e-mais and make that excel sheet. I felt like I was going to fall asleep walking as I walked the 800 metres for work to my home yesterday.

Now I am off for the second day. I aim to read up on your lives, but I am not sure when it will happen. Thanks kareina for reminding me about DW.

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November 2021

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